Let’s face it: it’s often sports coaches who get the most out of our kids. She has never been able to sit still for any of the activities I set up and I’ve been worried maybe she’s hyperactive or something so to hear that it is completely normal for a toddler to be more interested in destruction than building and running around than sitting and doing one this makes me feel so much better!!! My 12-year-old son doesn't doesn't care about anything. Simple is often best! They want to have an apartment. He wants to stay like this. When times are good, I think you should talk to your child about what he would like to have someday. Does he like going fishing? Always keep your child looking forward. It’s their job to help kids to want to improve their skills. Create one for free! Note to parents: a child who won’t attend to his work or do his chores is different from someone who’s depressed. She is getting a little better at seated play when left to her own devices and I know completing a structured activity will come in time. Need advice and what we as parents can do and what to do about him. For me, it’s not about who’s to blame. And they want to have a car. Make a point of observing what your child cares about and enjoys. What I have found works best with my kids who often don’t wasn’t to do an activity I might set up for them and announce to them, is to not say anything and just start quietly doing the activity myself near them. My son has been self medicating with vaping products and also occasional use of drugs, weed, edibles. It usually gets his attention! She no longer wants to be involved in anything with the rest of the family—she would rather hide away in her room. You can find my three reasons here. That way, he had time for free play in the morning and was ready for something more structured. My child just doesn’t seem to want to do any of the activities I set up for him. Your email address will not be published. First (and most importantly) for you: Unhook from the need to force him to do anything - especially "finishing" high school. There’s absolutely no reason that you have to. Crafts are also often not well-received by a child at first. In reality, their behavior is their overall strategy to deal with the stresses of life. He started therapy right before this pandemic and we have been easier on him by having him only do 2 assignments a day and he still doesn’t want to do that. He doesn't drink or do drugs, know that for a fact. And your job is to hold him accountable with consequences if he chooses not to meet those responsibilities. Thank you for taking the time to comment and let us know you, found the article to be helpful. Create a secure account with Empowering Parents For more information on the concept of learned helplessness in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following articles: VeryWell Mind: What Is Learned Helplessness and Why Does it Happen? This is how real life works. of the time there just is none. He's not going to agree to do anything without whining until he's no longer addicted to the internet and games. The process is where kids learn and have a good time (and memories are made). I have found it impossible to Google ideas from a million different sites, get organized, shop for supplies, etc. What’s your reason? save. In my opinion, you can try almost anything within reason for five minutes. 1. Look at it this way: their room is just a place for them to withdraw. You should do the same with your kids when they meet a responsibility. My son goes to his dad every friday after school till monday morning. What do they gravitate towards? Thanks, Jamie, for so many great ideas!! Next, I want you to think about your child. Don’t ask a child who uses passive-aggressive behavior because he won’t tell you. hide. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior. My son doesn't go out, he doesn't have a drivers license and doesn't want one, he doesn't care about clothes or friends or anything really. Incorporate the way they play into the activities and you’ll be golden. I appreciate the many activities and other suggestions to get our children involved in different interesting activities. Kids feel this quite powerfully and they don’t have much defense against it. series https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/motivating-underachievers-ii-get-your-unmotivated-child-on-track-before-school-starts/. If he wants to run around and jump when you set up a pipe cleaner threading activity, is that such a terrible thing? When they start to feel anxious, it soothes them to say, “I don’t care.”. “I don’t care” takes the pressure off them and makes them feel in control. I was feeling something was wrong as I set up an activity painting a cardboard caterpillar last night, and all she wanted to do was paint hands and make hand prints! However, since the beginning of his Grade 11 school year his academic grades have been sliding. I’ve put this in an email several times, and its also in the free activity planner that I send out, but I’ve never made it public. Psychologists refer to this as learned helplessness. Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to I was feeling something was wrong as I set up an activity painting a cardboard caterpillar last night, and all she wanted to do was paint hands and make hand prints! When you talk with adolescents who are underachievers, you hear them express ideas that are what I call thinking errors. contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your Keep up the good work! They have proven to me that, Improve Kids Fine Motor Skills with 30 Materials & Activities, 50 Simple & Fun Alphabet Activities for Preschoolers, What Toddler Crafts & Art Projects Can We Do? I just don't know what to do anymore. - Early Years Activity Plans User, Melissa C. - Early Years Activity Plans User, Robyn G. Create Special Moments Together with Pre-Planned Activities! However, we have hit the same problem as usual. Try to sneak in different ideas to get your child to think about how he will achieve what he wants in life. Say to your child: “Do your chores from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., and then you’ll have free time until dinner. You just have to set up an approach to enhance the probability that she’s going to meet her responsibilities. And I always regret it later. If you don’t work, you don’t get paid, and you don’t get the things you want. A large part of underachieving has to do with managing other people’s expectations. 10 years ago. Child Behavior Problems / Laziness & Motivation, Is your child’s answer to everything, “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter?”. I believe this transitioning to puberty is hitting him hard. The first thing to understand about teens and pre-teens who seem to have no motivation is this: it’s impossible to have no motivation. He wanted to stay home with his great-grandmother instead. We're so glad you’re part of our community! Not always, but almost. Eventually, your child will be asking to do another activity and that’s when you can start making things more involved. your family. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER AND RECEIVE A FREE KIDS ACTIVITIES PLANNER. We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this But that likely won’t be the case at the beginning. The amount of time the consequence lasts is another factor to consider. It just isn’t going to happen. Make this a Sunday night homework and reflect back on the week, each week. She says she doesn't feel well or something but i know she is lying. Because he was doing so well and we were seeing a difference in him, the teacher wants to extend the time he is in school by an extra hour. It’s no reflection on you if she doesn’t want to perform. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally.